Friday, 28 September 2018

Invisible imaginery illness??

Hi, My name is Claire, and at the ripe age of 21 I was sat down with my partner and told my illness that I was currently experiencing wouldn't ever go away...

It was a brutal slap in the face that came from nowhere, I had spent quite literally every day for close to a year researching doctors, my symptoms, having doors shut in my face by doctors as they didn't know how to help or what was wrong with me, I was made to feel like I was going mad, and even began to question myself- was I imaging all this pain, subconsciously collapsing, dislocating body parts, easily bruising everyday.. the list is endless, though I knew it wasn't in my head though!!

Yet, as the months, and now years have rolled past with since my first diagnosis, and now there is a vast list - you can check out all my conditions here.  Still I have not been "Cured" - just as they told me.

However, this photograph was taken two days ago. I posted this on my instagram with a short story of why I am determined to be an advocate for invisible illnesses, and my most recent experience.

I don't look sick because I spent an two hours, preparing and having assistance showering, I spent another hour putting on my make up doing my hair, and getting dressed up.

I plan my entire day around any chance I get to leave the house and have a taste of normalcy, (whatever that is). I muster up all the courage I have to walk out that door and take on the world even though I am sometimes a twenty something, shutting her front door closed and wearing a nappy - people still don't ever suspect. Just because you have makeup on and your hair is done the stigma should not be that we are "cured" or "well" or that we were "faking it"...

The problem with invisible illnesses, is.. well they are invisible!! There can be pros and cons, but this is my reminder to any other spoonies, and non-spoonies for that matter - having an invisible illness does not mean it is not real, it does mean our condition is any less valid if you can't "tell" from looking at us, and neither is it attention seeking. In fact, more often than not, from my personal experience I often avoid discussing my condition to friends because my conditions are complicated, embarrassing and often people are left shocked as they had no idea quite what my condition entails as I don't talk about it. (-hence I started "The Hopeful Chronic")


So please don't forget, I often dress up nicely as a form of self-love and to treat myself. I spend days cooped up at home unable to leave the house due to nausea, you don't see how much of a big deal going out can be, and is. I do it to feel a little more "normal" and not Claire the sick chick...   I don't do it for you, I do it for me.  Since I don't look sick on the outside it doesn't mean it is not true.

"The Hopeful Chronic"

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