Tuesday, 25 September 2018

Birthday Post - Reflections on the past year

I am writing this the day after my 24th birthday, I can truly say looking back on the past year being 23 I have learnt so much about myself, and it has been one of my most eye-opening years about myself in my life so far.

Yes, my 21st, and 22nd years were spent getting some hugest monumental, lifelong diagnosis's which will also be pinpoints in my years, yet my 23rd year was about acceptance...

I guess I could say, I struck a wall one day around Christmas time and realised I am not being my true self, and it felt like my life is flashing before my eyes. I was scared to leave the house, I had encountered so many social interactions where I was unwell, expwwerienced embarrassing symptoms, or felt like a burden. That I routinely declined my friends invites to ever do anything for close to a year, I was petrified. I refused to speak to many of my friends, not knowing what to say, when all I could talk about was complaining about my conditions..

Yet I decided to make a change this year, I sharply inhaled, froze and assessed the situation- all of my diagnosed conditions are chronic, as such I can continuing living with this mindset angry at life and embarrassed of my conditions, too anxious and afraid to leave the house.. or I could own this, and do everything I can to feel good and live my life.

I now try to work with my condition rather than against it, I am learning to listen to my body, pack extra medication and a spare pair of pants, I always carry water with me and I make it clear to those around me that I'm socialising that I m

The most challenging part of my diseases is learning to accept that it is part of who I am and I shall never be able to escape it. I have to live with it and embrace it, yes it can be embarrassing, but if chronic illness hasn't already taught you, those friends that can sit there whilst you are having a rectal examination (yes I can say it was quite the bonding experience!! haha) are not uncomfortable when you throw up or collapse, instead they want to know and be there because they care about you - and those are the people I want in my life this year, because whether I like it or not my conditions are here to stay. 

"The Hopeful Chronic"


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