Wednesday, 27 September 2017

To The Doctor Who Finally Saw Me As A "Person"

In the viewpoint of most doctors I have seen, I am somewhat of a weird case... My medical file, although extremely thick - doesn't really make a lot of sense when you put all of it together-some can explain a few of the symptoms, but rarely the combination as a whole, and more importantly how to treat it. This is why out of the countless doctors I have seen, i have received mixed results - but all of them have ended up leading down a similar path, a dead end road, with no treatment plan or diagnosis in sight.  

My illness has officially taken over my life, and I now somewhat predict the question I am going to be asked, I can rattle off my symptoms better than anyone. 

Most of them look at my case, and when they cannot figure it out, they just give up and string me along. I have had this happen to me hundreds times. Every time this happens, a part of me wants to look at them and remind them that I am not just a case file. I am a human being, who is hurting physically and emotionally who is calling out for help. It has been extremely frustrating and a lot of the time it feels like nobody is really listening to me, nobody truly understands just how much this impacts me on a day-to-day basis. 

When I met my GP, I was at hopeless dark hole, from the same practice, my previous GP dragged me back into his clinic room after waving each other goodbye and me cheering him off "Bye, see you next week!" as if it was more than a doctor, we saw each other the same day, each week to update on both sides of the field - how my symptoms were going, and how he was fighting for me.

Yet, the day he left I was left in a tricky situation, I had met with other GP's previously, however none of them understood quite what I was going through, and 

The day I met her, she asked me the same questions, and indeed read the same file of notes that every other doctor previous had done, but the difference was that she didn't just brush me off. She looked at the entire picture, not just the obvious signs, and made some vital decisions and behaviour that will likely impact my life forever. 

For the first time in a long time, I felt like a doctor actually saw me as a person"- she saw the pain, the fear and the exhaustion from the heavy weight of it and she chose to fight for me. 

Thank you for not giving up on me, thank you for searching for answers, doctors, writing letter, providing support in more ways than was asked... Thank you for being persistent about helping me and giving me a treatment plan that works. Thank you for pursuing the right diagnosis and doing for what needs to be done to get there. Thank you for caring, and for being the first one to listen in a long time. Thank you, thank you thank you. 

All of the roadblocks and frustration and unhelpful doctors up until now are worth it because I finally found someone who listened. When I have to push through the pain, it's encoring to. I am thankful to you that there is finally light at the end of the tunnel. The road may be rough from here, but now at least I know where I am going. 

"The Hopeful Chronic"

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