Monday, 21 August 2017

My Symptom That Is Dismissed By Doctors Yet Is Undeniable

If you know me, there's no denying that I would have been vocal about my conditions I experience, which all began last summer - the first to diagnose, and most important being my paralysed colon.  (and if you didn't know about this, I wouldn't consider you to "know me" as this is now such a huge, undeniable part of my life.) 

There's many speculations from my array of doctors as to just why one day I woke up and my colon  was paralysed - forever. The truth of the matter is, I now spend most days of the week, struggling to keep down solid (and often liquid) foods.. 

Imagine not going to the toilet for five, seven, ten days - it's hard to even believe, right? The "normal" amount of times to go to the toilet is more than three times a week, and less than three times a day...

Since my condition, I was always a tall and slender female with very little stomach at all- struggling to gain weight just about all over my body. Although, as I now empty my bowels on average every seven days I experience heart burn, acid reflex, sickness, nausea and most crucially, extreme constipation. Stool sits in clumps my colon rotting and building up, before I can finally open my bowels and feel some relief. 

Last week, whilst I was away visiting family in France, inevitably photographs were taken throughout the trip. Including a photo of us by the swimming pool in our bikinis(prior to being ill would not be something I would be self-conscious about), I held my stomach in, but the inevitable happened- once, where there was no stomach, or on the days I empty my colon, I am back to"my" stomach, I now experience a bloated, sore stomach.. Yet now despite being told by doctors that it is "fine" and "nothing to worry about", my whole world has changed. 

I now wake in the morning, and my choices of clothes to dress in is limited, despite a full, bursting wardrobe... I can only wear loose clothing on my stomach, jeans are a rare and short-lived occasion and let's not even talk about workout leggings!! I can do an endless amount of sit ups, yet it doesn't make a difference - the truth of the matter of is stool sits unwanted long past it's designated allowed time. 

Even laying down to relax it often takes hours to get in a comfortable position, that is pain-free. 

I am over feeling embarrassed and ashamed, and it seems wrong to vocalise my condition, yet ignore the obvious symptom that is dismissed by doctors. 

I am over having my self-esteem affected by my condition, and do not wish to think bad thoughts about my body, especially when it cannot be helped- I consume eight laxatives a day, and my colon muscles are paralysed, indefinitely. 

I hope one day I will find relief, though some form of treatment or a cure, but until then I continue to walk  proud - for the battle I fight in some form every day is my only real "visible" indicator I am sick.

"The Hopeful Chronic"


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